All posts by jrising

[projects] Random Projects

This has been a week of random projects. Recently or newly on my plate…

  • Dialogue Grapher: A friend and I have long wanted to create a collaborative idea framework– think message boards, except each message is a single line and connected to several others in a graph, and the whole structure is publicly editable (see an example, or the diagram in my LJ bio). It could be used to communicate complex ideas, as a new kind of wikipedia, for refining Lakoffian arguments, and even to explore the unconscious structure of society.
  • General Sudoku-Maker: I have no interest in Sudoku puzzles, but the current 6.001 project is an automated Sudoku solver, and I think I’ve figured out a method for automatically constructing Sudoku puzzles of arbitrary difficulty. Anyone have ideas for Sudoku variations that would make such a program worthwhile?
  • “Lips” Trixie: I was the lips, with two possessed hands that stripped off clothes that no one could see anyway because I was covered in black. It was fun, and I think went well as choreographed-goofing-off April Fools experiments go. The weirdest part was how differently people treated me when my face was black.
  • Rocky Party: I didn’t know it was asavitzk‘s birthday until too late (*pout*), so I hosted anyway. I hope the other half of the split party had fun, because we certainly did. And for once, no casualties! AND, at girlygothic‘s insistence, some of us finally played…
  • Rocky Monopoly: The Rocky Monopoly game was a great success! It was easy to play, and got lots of people paying and receiving (minor) sexual favors. I’m going to incorporate some new innovations over the next week. Tell me if you want me to bring the game to your party.
  • Mental Reorganization: I’ve been reorganizing my mind to relegate my subvocal “I”, increase my sensory awareness, become more conscious of the collective unconscious. Good fun.

[random] One, Two, Three, …, Infinity

I saw the man on the moon
for the first time now.
He looked so surprised,
just woken to find 200000 miles below him.
Kabir says, “Don’t give a name to it.

God is the sound of the flute coming in.”
We jest we’re a step away from baboons,
But it’s only the unknown we feel on our necks.
Why be surprised to find the flute
on our lips?

Yearning is a gift,
the horses always pull for home.
My books taught me that,
but the guest was waiting for me to put them down
and come outside.

Did you know that in 100 years, either NYC or London will probably be gone due to global warming? I love my apartment, but that’s worth stopping the train for. The US is too caught up in “progress” that I don’t think new technology or political activism will cut it– we need to totally change how we live, and then be infectious. Anyone up for a beacon on the hill commune within T radius?

I have too much time on my hands this week, and I want to spend more with Rocky friends. Setting up casual gatherings is so much more difficult after college. Is there a FBC chat channel somewhere? Should there be? With MMM closed to Rocky parties (hopefully not for long), I want to pick up some of the slack, but I’m worried about my apartment-mates’ response. I hope to start hosting once a month, but they’ll be exactly as special of parties as you all make them.

[muse] A Certain Disposition

Weekend: Salon-Party a fabulous success (*pirouette*); eclectic group, fluidly bubbling with conversation groups on everything. Great time at Black Rose Ball; I *love* dance and meeting women. Huge snow-storm audience at the Rocky show; I was delirious except for when padfootwhore was being mean to me (no matter– I spewed Acid on her later).

I write this slathered in salt grains. I feel a flare for demonstracity, and I’m playing with it.

Someone recently quoted, “Only people of a certain disposition are frightened of being alone for the rest of their lives at the age of 26.” For me, more than resigned to the possibility, I want to embrace it. Not because good women are difficult to find. I go on dates sometimes, but my life isn’t the kind of thing that most people would be interested in joining in on.

I intend to live hard. And not in a nice way– my life will leave my mind twisted, my soul tortured, and my body wasted. I’ll live poor and over-worked. I won’t settle in anywhere. I’ll only get weirder with age. I’ll always be obsessed with projects that only a mother could love, and my relationship will never be the most important thing in my life.

I mentioned this to my philosophical father. He suggested that swallow-the-keys commitment might have more for me than I was considering. Life with another person forces one to confront one’s flaws. And I want that, but I hope friends can give it to me (that’s where you come in).

I’m very comfortable with my flaws, or my rate of progress in working on them. They rarely bother me, but I know some of them bother other people. And the flaws that affect other people don’t directly affect me, so it’s easy for me to just not notice them.

So my question to anyone who thinks they have any part of an answer: What are my worst flaws?

Any answer would be doing me an honor, so don’t worry about protecting my ego or mis-flawing me. You won’t hurt me, and I want to know however my flaws appear, and I’ll worry about whether they are at-bottom how they manifested themselves to you. Give as much detail as possible (and specific grievances, if you remember them). Thank you!

[game] Lost Secrets

jdub0014 started a discussion on confessions, later described as “I want to hear someone admit something about themselves, have me respect them for sharing, but still be disgusted by them for it.” Here’s a variant:

What do you wish you could ask other people, but don’t because they might be alarmed/horrified/disgusted by you for asking? It could be to a particular person or to just anyone who knows you. It could be a question or a request.

Feel free to post anonymously.

[salon] Salon-Party, this Friday!

I’m having a Salon-Party this Friday, and you should come (unless you’re going to the Rocky night at Dick’s Last Resort)! Part salon, part party: we’ll have good food and drink, good company, and plenty of good discussion.

When: Friday, March 23, starting around 7 pm
Where: My apartment, 283 Washington St., Cambridge
Directions: http://www.existencia.org/info/grey17.txt

Many of the French salons were like parties, with the greatest thinkers of the day schmoozing, sharing ideas, and playing games (language games being the most popular). If you have ideas for activities or games, tell me about them! And invite friends that you think would enjoy the
salon atmosphere!

[me] Incredible Weekend

Incredible weekend. I’ll be swooning over Cambridge for weeks.

ESG got a new 6 ft diameter beanbag “love sack”! People piles and discussion of sex and fluids at ESG ensued (“the beanbag’s been here 30 minutes and sketchiness has increased 300%”). To tEp that evening for hanging and working and eating, and eventually partying, with C. I met the renowned MIT-bum-philosopher Pevner (we discussed the future of philosophy– he thinks the next big thing is going to be connotation), got introduced to a new level of massage technique, and schmoozed with tEps and Emersonians till late.

Saturday morning breakfast at Renee’s Cafe with a good Olin friend. Attended Vision of the Twelve Goddesses, with the beautiful goddesses and their beautiful garb, hilarious i Sebastiani anti-masque, and seeing many friends. Nabbed the “dancing girls” subtlety (thank you richenza!) and dropped it off at the Church St. theatre to gift to the enchanting padfootwhore and andelsky, formerly my light techs, for doing their first (joint, dancish (trixie)) performance that night.

Got back just in time to bake an experiment for the Lucky Corner Ladies’ cook-off, and then gorge myself full of their deserts.

Played Riff at the last moment when bri4n was MIA, and lost my chance to see the trixie (*pout*) while doing my makeup. He showed up late and had an accident with a non-structural ceiling that got him kicked off the cast, making me the full-time Riff in his place (*mixed-feelings-but-excited*). Relaxed after-party at elctric_mayhem‘s.

Finally saw Shortbus! Really enjoyed it, especially the loving embrace of the juxtaposition of sweetness and torture in sex, though I think it bit off an awful lot for 101 minutes. Ended the weekend back with C. at tEP, and got an “I knew you from when you hypnotized me” from a passing undergrad.

Looking forward to a Salon-Party on Friday (good discussion, good food, good company– you’re welcome to join us!), and my trixie which I moved to April fools weekend.

[me, muse] Life Update and Explorations

The busy of life rushes and ebbs. Right now the tide’s been low for a week, and I’m still working on a depression time diet, and expecting necessity to find the balance of work and play. Anyone want to find some adventure? Also, anyone want to help me with graphic design for a cool website project that ought to make money later on?

Mmmm, *wonderful* party Saturday night (and much of Sunday). It was great seeing anastasia1 and a_c_i_d. I felt horrible for a_c_i_d, who tried in a dozen ways to express the party’s id, and the party would have none of it (girlygothic was particularly relentless). I also had a good time hosting the Rocky party last week, and I’ll do it again in a couple months.

The rest of this post deals in drugs (I know I have family members around, and they’re welcome to stay onboard, but I wanted to give fair warning). I could sing books-worth of praise for the many fine experiences, perspectives, and understandings that I’ve found through drugs. And I’d happily post pieces of that praise if anyone wants, but I have more current topics.

About two weeks ago, I got some mushrooms from a friend, and had a great trip filled with anthropological thinks, about American culture’s use of drugs and the mechanics of “drug exploration”, and how we live compared to how we think we live.

I took the mushrooms at an independent living group of MIT’s in Boston with a long history of drugs, engineering, and craziness. The first room I was in had a built-in music-synced lights show and couches hanging on chains. I ended up sleeping on a room-sized suspended fishing net with internet-controlled lighting and a tradition of nudity. Claudia might live there next semester for free, at the top of a musical staircase filled with glowing murals, in a room that opens onto the roof.

And my apartment’s walls are still white. In our world, anything is possible given the right connection (or the wrong connection and the right price). So why do our huts look like Mr. Potatohead, with a mass-produced home life of interchangeable parts, cluttered by the debris of our consumerism? Money obscures the possibilities of life: it is the great hammer with which everything looks like a nail, setting the cost of life just beyond our capacity, at a time when the possibilities of people-in-connection are unfathomably great.

I recently acquired a pill of MDA, which is sort of a cross between ecstasy, speed, and a psychedelic. Where you feel the connections between yourself and others on ecstasy, you sense them and ideate on them with MDA. I’m really looking forward to trying it. But it’s a social drug, so I think I want to take it at a Rocky party. I’ve never tried MDA or MDMA (ecstacy) before, and I don’t know how I’ll react, and I don’t know if it’s fair to exercise that uncertainty around people some of whom wouldn’t know or understand.

Disclaimer: I hold a regular Salon discussion group, with wide-ranging conversations on politics, philosophy, society, and life. The ideas in this post came from a recent Salon, but are not meant to be an accurate reflection of the dialogue.

Our discussion started on the basis for animal rights, but soon toppled into the different foundations for ethics. We spent a long time disentangling consequentialist and deontological ethics, and trading ethical thought experiments. We talked about Habeas Corpus, in reference to the recent court decision which takes it away from foreign “enemy combatants” held on foreign soil, and briefly revisited the DRM discussion from last time. We also talked about toilets and the anthropology of bathrooms.

And we didn’t come to conclusions or consensus on anything. Which strikes me as tragic, given the weight of the questions. A post about ethics terminology is a waste of good bits, so I want to argue some points.

Both animal rights and habeas corpus hinge on unalienable rights, and are meant to be granted unconditionally. Habeas Corpus is a right for human beings to defend their freedom. Animal rights are about preventing the needless suffering of animals. While I acknowledge that these issues could be approached from very different angles, I want to consider them in tandem.

I don’t think that consequentialism can form a foundation for unalienable rights. The normal consequential argument for them is that a world that didn’t guarantee some basic rights wouldn’t be a very good (e.g., happy) place. But a world in which some people (not you or your friends) are secretly interrogated, exploited, or eliminated, would be even better. You could live in the psychological assurance of your own rights, and the safety and luxury from taking away others’.

Under consequentialism, ends always justify means. Often consequential claims are based on a bit of calculation: compare the projected worlds that result from each possible decision, and integrate up some metric (total happiness, average well-being, population of philosophers); do whatever act would result in the best world.

There’s a boundary problem here. Why should we care about the rights of animals and Arabs? We can extend the veil of ignorance to ask “What if we were born Arab in a United States-dominated world?” but we aren’t going to ask, “What if we were born a rabbit?” In choosing our laws, why should we consider the well-being of other societies or species? To make a consequentialist argument, you need to define the metric you’re trying to maximize. Why not draw the limit at your skin?

Such an ethics is probably more palatable than we’d like to believe. We’re social creatures, and selfish motivations naturally lead to common goods. But the conscience is fairly malleable, and it’s easy to learn to consider another group (blacks, rabbits, Montagues) as unworthy of our consideration.

I think this is a problem of subjectivity in ethics. The consequentialist worldview distinguishes descriptive and normative statements, and orders them: first, there’s the world, then, there are value judgments about it. This division is a modern invention that gives us considerable analytical power, while simultaneously bracketing all ethical truths as subjective claims. But ethics by its very nature has to make objective claims if it’s going to say anything.

Deontological ethics aren’t based on value judgments (or at least, they aren’t supposed to be). “Killing is wrong” sounds like a value judgment to us, but within the deontological worldview, it’s purely (though not immediately) descriptive. Similarly, rights are actual entities of the deontological worldview. We can’t grant them– they were endowed without our help– so we can only respect them or break them.

The world as we experience it has no such descriptive/normative distinction. I believe that animals and foreigners have rights that we should respect. That’s a speculatively descriptive statement. On further evaluation, it might turn out that they have more or fewer rights than I thought. Currently my sense of their rights is based on Kant’s claim that it’s unjust to use another creature as a means to your ends, but even if that claim were discovered to be ill-founded, I would look for another *reason* why it is that they appear to have rights.

Even as I write this, I’m coming to doubt it. After all, don’t we create our world, not discover it? But then, let’s create a world where ethics can actually exist and have bearing on our lives– even if it would just make us happier to live in that world.

First, some activities.

A friend and I are struggling through Ulysses– join in! We just started, and we’re using a guidebook, a book of footnotes, and online resources to light the way. We meet to discuss the first 50 pages next Thursday.

The Salon is spawning a Film Group! Deep movies, bizarre movies, classic movies: the overarching theme is something like “films that make you think”. The first movie will probably be Fantastic Planet, this Tuesday, February 27, at 8pm in MIT room 2-105. You should come watch, and tell me if you want the announcements! There’s even a page to collect our movie recommendations– go to http://existencia.org/salon/movies/ and add some!

I’m thinking of hosting another Rocky party on March 3! And I thought it’d be fun to run a cocktail bar there: what’s your favorite drink?

Now, a little rant.

The world seems over-boiling with people searching for love– yearning for it and dejected in their lack of it. To be clear, I mean a particular brand of love: significant-other love. There are few creations that have brought as much misery and personal confusion as that one.

I’m no different. I want a girlfriend too. I want someone to share my joy with. I want the sex. I want the cuddling. I want the warmth next to me when I’m asleep. It’s not that I think love can’t be fun and worthwhile, but it doesn’t seem to do any of the things people want it to.

For example, love doesn’t bring you happiness. Cathexis, sure, which can be fun the way a good night of drinking is, but is that happiness? Love intensifies emotions, and stresses them, but it can’t make happiness out of thin air. And if it does, the result is a dynamic where you rely on (demand from?) the other person for the ingredients for your own happiness. It’s a recipe for hurt.

Love can give you newfound reasons for living, but it does this by what it takes away, not by what it adds. People seem to imagine love like the divided creatures from Hedwig and the Angry Inch. They want to glom onto another person and somehow grow and find new security in shear mass. Love is desire, which is a radical lack, not a fulfillment. We love into our weaknesses, but using the object of our love to “fill up” our holes is the same recipe for hurt. All love can do for our deficiencies is reveal them to us (but this may be exactly love’s most powerful gift).

Worst of all, people depend on each other for love. My teacher in philosophy said that all fights in relationships are because one party believes the other doesn’t love “enough”. Love is among the most fluid and unreliable of the emotions, and it’s as different from on day to the next as it is different on the two sides of the relationship. Expecting anything of love, and drawing conclusions of what it should mean to the other person, is a sure way to kill it.

[salon, muse] Salon Discussion, February 6, Changes in Programming

I really need to get back in the habit of making thorough notes shortly after the Salon– I’m losing too many good discussion threads. One of our biggest topics at the Salon concerned recent changes in programming, which I’ve wanted to write about for a while. Here are my thoughts on it, informed by the Salon discussion, plus some other discussion topics below. Feel free to remind me of other topics in the comments, and I’ll record what I remember about them.

Programming has changed enormously since computers were invented. I don’t just mean that assembly gave way to higher-level procedural languages which gave way to object-oriented languages, although that mirrors the shift I’m interested in. In the days before C, programming languages had a fairly-small, well-defined collection of building blocks, and it was the programmer’s responsibility to construct whatever they needed. In a shift into libraries and then object-oriented languages, the programmer’s job has become more to connect pieces constructed by other people.

The pieces are also changing. They’re becoming more intelligent, more communicative, and more accepting of ambiguity. Programmers have realized the power in– and the need for– type-fluidity. Currently that’s instantiated in typeless languages, but these still form a kind of antithesis waiting for new synthesis with traditional typed languages.

The things we’re programming are different too. The programmer is no longer a craftsman. In the past, people designed programs to do a certain thing well. Now, people realize that they are really engineering experiences or “ways of understanding”. We like one program over another not because it does something better, but because it allows us to conceive of our task differently.

Which is exactly what different programming languages themselves do. With plug-in designs, programs themselves are allowing users to construct the context for their own experience.

The way we think of technology is in such incredible flux right now. With web 2.0 ideas (participatory, dynamic content; new kinds of social networking), the internet is changing and becoming the necessary context of all computer use. With mobile devices, the personal computer, our interface to it, and the ways we use it are changing. In another 10 years, programming will be vastly different; in another 20, it probably won’t exist, as we currently conceive it.

Anyway, we also talked about Digital Rights Management, specifically relating to Apple’s decision to drop DRM-protection tying iTunes to iPods, and how artists should be “rewarded” for their work. And we talked about the nature of Salons, and the posibility of having a kind of “party-salon”, which is more like the kind of gathering that was found in Paris.