Escaping velocity. Not just eternity, but infinity.

I’ve decided to leave Cambridge at the end of next semester, in 8 months. This area has been such a wonderful home to me; Randomites, ESGers, Scadians, Olinites, Rockies: you’ve each been a family to me beyond my wildest imagination (not to mention my actual family, who I’ll miss horribly). I love every one of you, and it hurts just imagining leaving, but I’m due.

This January, I’m heading to South America– to Argentina, Brazil, and Chile– to check out the scene there. Maybe Costa Rica too, if I can fit it in. Come with me! Talk to me before December and we’ll make plans.

Come June, I’ll either leave for there or Europe, or possibly points further out. I might get an apartment, a job, a girlfriend whose language I don’t understand, or I might stick to the road, doing computer work remotely and building up my travel blog business. Probably both.

I have no clue how long I’ll be there. There are a million reasons I might come back to the states. But if I do, I’ll probably head to the left coast, to San Francisco or Seattle. I might come back to Boston (for a million reasons), but not for a couple years at least.

Eight months seems like such a short time, with so much to do, and so few chances for the things I like most. A few more rocky after-parties to host, fewer salons than I have digits, a class to teach, learning to drive. I’m making a list of what I need to do before I leave– poke me if you want to be on it!

Salon Notes, October 2

Disclaimer: I hold a regular Salon discussion group, with wide-ranging conversations on politics, philosophy, society, and life. The ideas in this post came from a recent Salon, but are not meant to be an accurate reflection of the dialogue.

Books mentioned at the salon:

Classics:
* Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
* Thomas Kuhn, Structure of Scientific Revolutions
* Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents

Kristen’s Post-Apocalyptics:
* Cormac McCarthy, The Road: how long will social structures last after resources become scarce?
* Alan Weisman, The World Without Us: thought experiment about environmental consequences of humanity vanishing

Other:
* Max Stirner, The Ego and Its Own: “the most important philosophy book you’ve never heard of”
* The Blowfellow Institute for Practical Engineering: www.blowfellow.org, where inventions meet social engineering

Notes/Discussion Rant:

Our discussion wandered from the nature of experience to free will to individuality to organizational structures to post apocalyptic scenarios to the plasticity of minds to the classification of people to the Bush administration’s worldview, plus a long tail of other topics I’ve forgotten. It’s unsummarizable, as usual, so feel free to add in comments.

One of the flirted-about cruxes of our discussion was the question, “How do we experience the world?” The world is a physical phenomenon, and yet our experience of it is vastly different from its physics. The world is objective beyond our reach, while experience is subjective beyond the reach of science. Light is only photons, but our experience of light has no relation to our experience of photons. If we experience red a certain way, that has everything to do with us, and not a property of the photons themselves, beyond their fundamental physical property of wavelength.

Everything we know about the world comes from experience. The world of physics– made of infinitesimal particles, following laws of nature– is a abstraction. It’s a fiction we tell ourselves because of what it lets us do. The capacity of mathematics to describe nature, as far as we can tell, is a lucky draw. Moreover, we believe that the physical world is more real than our subjective world. “Free will” (a solely Western concept, but no matter) is integral to our subjective experience, but incompatible with our physical world view. At the salon, we mostly decided that it didn’t exist, except as an experience.

Our experience of the universe is such a constructed phenomenon, built of ideology. Political worldviews, physical understandings, visual and auditory comprehension, even sensation, is for us the echoes of past or expected impressions and ideas. Every context and experience draws upon past experiences. The first bite of bowl of ice cream confirms or conflicts with what we expected; the seventh bite is a warped, half-forgotten memory of that first bite.

Our conscious experience of the world is only a small, filtered part of the chaotic information that constantly bombards our senses. Our minds construct models of the world, and mostly only allow through information that conforms to them. We react to be people by classifying them: conservative, funny, stuck-up, presidential, awake, like me, like mom. It’s natural and necessary, but it’s also flawed and warps our accurate perception of people.

The same is true of our selves. Lacan said that we all have a entity that we mean when we say “I” (he called them phallic signifiers), like “the liberal” or “the lost one”, and that this organizes our whole conception of the world. We have models of ourselves that define our limitations. When making decisions, we only conceive of choices that fit our model.

Max Stirner would say that all ideologies that involve themselves in who you think you are (like Christian or a boss) are limiting. Stirner also says that we should pursue our own good as the highest good. I agree with both claims, with a caveat. Our paradigms construct hand-in-hand who we are and what the world is. It’s impossible to conceive of the world without implicitly creating a role for oneself in it. It is impossible to conceive of a good for oneself without implicitly imagining consequences on the world, which in turn will change who one is in the world. The perfect murder– beneficial and untraceable– still makes you a murderer.

Stirner would applaud the neo-conservatives for shaking off their ethical limitations and making war to their own unhindered benefit. By harnessing the power of money and media and manipulation, they stand on the top of the broken backs of the world. They make themselves Sartrian masters to us slaves by shaking off the ties that limited their freedom. And yet, by placing themselves so centrally in the world, they’ve long since lost their humanity, and their free will is no longer their own.

on the impulse of winter midnight streetlight smalltown rain

I’m a philosopher: I was born this morning, and tonight I die. If someone rolls out of my bed tomorrow, I care not a whit for him. This day (this moment) is all there is.

Forget your chores and come play with me, on this last sunset of the universe! We’ll get drunk over a discussion of the nature of love, and slowly get naked by candlelight and fuck like toads, and roll out of bed and wander the drowsy streets until dawn. The past is as much a dream as the future– I’ve never been to either, and I don’t want to wait around to find out if I ever will.

Home Services

Praise the gods for Friday nights at home! Yesterday (Thursday, the night sanctioned for debauchery in well-known company) I was reading a friend’s copy of How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household, which observed that the effect of Jewish tradition is to sanctifies the routine goings-on of life, by giving them a special routine of their own. By making Shabbat special, by letting it bask in its own glory, every other day of the week enjoys a reflection of that radiance. Like Zahedi says in Waking Life, every moment is holy, but we walk around like they aren’t. Film, poetry, art, math, architecture, love, chocolate, acid, and Fridays at home help us remember.

Thanks siderea for putting together a meme of Mosher Sexual Styles*! Mine’s “Partner Engagement”, which, under other circumstances, I might be embarrassed by, but her descriptions are far too even-handed and likable and insightful for it. “[Sex] is a loving communion with your partner by which you tear down the walls of existential isolation and truly touch, if only for a moment, another human spirit…. The meaning you make of sex is a celebration of life. You see in sex a rejoicing in being alive and a rejoicing in your partner.” Sex, like Shabbat, allows us to sanctify a holy moment for each other.

I’m resisting the urge to cross reference this (or expand the meme) with Stein’s 9 male sexual types and taxonomies of fetishes. More material for my Philosophy of Sex class!

[* Edit: updated as per http://siderea.livejournal.com/526476.html]

Impeach Bush (for real this time!)

Or at least shut down the C.I.A. and rebuild the Justice Department from scratch! This morning, the New York Times broke the news, in a 5-or-6* page article, that the Bush administration has had internal secret documents explicitly authorizing the use of the harshest torture techniques, in blatant disregard for piles of nation and international laws, and against their own public claims. Last July, when it was leaked that the CIA had secret jails and used torture techniques, and Bush ordered that everyone be moved to Guantanamo and clean up, it was all of one month before he secretly reversed the decision.

I’m sure most of us aren’t surprised by all of this, but this is the sort of damning evidence that we were waiting for. That’s it– Bush can pack his bags. You don’t go around authorizing the use of torture when we tell you not to! The game is up.

* The article was 6 pages when I started reading it, then they dropped a page out from under me. And the article is written by a James Risen (*whee!*).

Imaginary Gardens with Real Toads

Life is good. I’m happy to be 26. I recently hired my first employee, and I’m close to hiring a web designer for DepartureWorld. I’m very busy with work, with social life, with projects, and falling behind on everything– as it should be.

Briefs:

There have been some *great* parties recently! Thank you and for your hospitality and good times, and thank you everyone who came to my gatherings!
My parents helped me move Api, my turtle of 15 years, to Cambridge (he might be older than me). After the traumatic move, he’s now contently swimming around my dining room.
FYI, I’m back to locking my window. Some couch surfers stayed at my place Friday, and then used my window when they couldn’t get in touch with me Saturday. I’m glad they weren’t stuck outside, but that’s my limit.
I’m showing Waking Life this Tuesday, at 8 pm, in Random Hall’s Alice in Wonderland theatre (290 Mass Ave., Cambridge). This is an incredible philosophical film, and you should come watch it! I’ll bring popcorn and cookies.


A friend, in honest curiosity and caring, said in all the time we’d known each other, she didn’t understand me as a human (or something similar– I don’t want to put words in her mouth, it just got me thinking). In a way, I can’t disagree, and it hurts to know that all the work I’ve done on myself to have stronger emotions, to want and yearn and hurt more, to wear my heart closer to my wrist, to be my body, have done so little. My teacher in wisdom– an INTJ, like me– described it “a brain wearing a body”. Plato and Nietzsche convinced me that that wasn’t what I wanted to be.

I approach life with such a thrill that I forget about the other emotions. I almost never get angry or scared, and I haven’t cried in a decade. At the last Salon, we talked about Marvin Minsky’s The Emotion Machine, which claims that emotions are different ways of thinking, which give humans their versatility. My subconscious slapped me when I asked about it. “Duh! I put those other emotions there for your benefit, and in their way they’re as important as joy. Despair is as important as love for being fulfilled, staying healthy, and getting girls. Use it!”

In the past, I’ve tried championing emotions as hunches, then functions, then ideas in the cosmic consciousness, then gods. Now I’m letting them be the highest entities of which I can conceive: people. There’s now four of me (Happy, Angry, Sad, Scared) running around my head, jostling for control. We’re letting each have a spin. I saw the world as a sinister cesspool, each of us waiting to join its doom, and the hair rose on my neck. I saw it as a maze of rats, all looking for cheese that only made them sicker, and a knot stuck in my throat. I thought of each of my friends and what I scorned them for, and mentally punched each one, until I got to , who I could find no reason to hurt (the rest of you I punched for stupid, petty reasons, but I’ll tell you if you want). And I thought about the infinite possibility of life, the wonder of love, the beauty of ideas, and how much I adored everyone I know.

I also turned my anger on myself; in my minds eye, I sized myself up, took aim, and hit myself harder than anyone else. It felt good, like the only punch worth taking is a strong one.

In counter-balance, though, I’m pulling out on spending time pursuing lovers. I heard after my after-party that a friend-of-a-friend thought of me as “that cute queen.” Am I crazy for thinking it’s all connected? I hate making people uncomfortable, and as long as I come across as a queen or a robot, I’m better off as a friend. I don’t like the intellectual’s approach of seducing with the mind, and then using the bait to switch in the body. I’d rather find a woman who wants my body for the god that it can be, and leave my mind out of it.

Yoinked from janetweiss69

Ask a question anonymously you wouldn’t necessarily ask in person, or would want others to know you’re asking, to me. I’ll answer it in another entry, and you’ll have your answer without having to admit you wanted to know it. I’ll try and answer all the questions, but if they concern someone else, I reserve the right not to answer for them.

Cheese and Chocolate Party

I’m turning 26 on Monday– Sexiest Age Ever!– Come help me celebrate!

Cheese and Chocolate Party

Sunday, 6pm – whenever (or earlier if you check with me)

My Pad, 283 Washington St., #1, Cambridge

We’ll have fondue and wine and drunken depravity for everyone. Bring dishes/deserts that feature chocolate or cheese (or both, like chocolate-chip pizza or cake with goat cheese frosting!).

Call me if you need directions: 617-852-9088

I’m also hosting the afterparty this Saturday, also in celebration of mals13‘s sexy birthday! Feel free to crash over.

[Edit: I forgot to say before, this is *Sunday* evening! Be there!]

Sustainability, Engineering, and Philosophy