I sent my laptop, which has been slowly degenerating, off to Dell yesterday for repairs. It’s under warranty, but that was void as soon as they heard the casing was cracked, and they charged me a round-trip-to-Paris-equivalent to get it fixed. It’s only money, but I’m bummed.

But the cloud has a copper-lining. I make my livelihood off my laptop and I can’t do one of my client’s work without it (and for the other client, I’m working from ESG), which means– for the next business week– I’m on half-vacation! It’s amazing what a beautiful excuse a crutch is. I usually don’t even take holidays or weekends totally off, but I think I’ll live up my pseudo-vacation time a little.

Yesterday, my first book of Transmetropolitan which jducoeur recommended to me as “Science-fiction without any wonder.” Any other time, I wouldn’t have let myself finish it in less than a week, but last night I would have read the whole series if I’d had it. Plus, I’m going to finish a toy I made a while back and let you all play with it (bug me if I don’t). And if anyone has an adventure that wants more cohorts, look me up.

luvrentboy spent a long time helping me choreograph my Trixie [intro (often striptease) song to RHPS], and I’m really looking forward to it! After I’ve got it down better, ask me if you want to see it and give me some comments. I can do a totally mystery trixie next time; this time I’ll settle for a good one.

I’ve decided that social games are lots of fun. I’m fairly clumsy at them, but throwing something into the social pool is more interesting than waiting to throw the right thing in, and the best kind of challenge.

I have a new mess of fudgely thoughts, but I think I’ll keep them to myself. It’s one of those maybe-realization about oneself that’s both disgusting and typical and I don’t want to know how much of each. But it makes me admire the many wonderful qualities of my friends, and I wonder if I’ll ever be as fine.

Medeski, Schofield, Martin, and Wood are playing in Providence tomorrow (Wednesday)! MMW and John Schofield, individually, are the gods of experimental jazz, and seeing them play together would be incredible. Want to come? Tickets are $25, if we can get them (pre-sale is closed); if we can’t, we’ll enjoy Providence.

[life, philo] Games and Living

Preamble: I’ve felt recently like I’m waiting for the other shoe to fall, even if I don’t know when the first did. Life is good, but it’s a bit too easy– overfull but not overwhelming– and its joys too short-lived (like they keep grinding to a halt). So I yanked at my subconscious to tell me what was up, and here’s what it gave me (plus it promised me something better by Monday).

Behind the cut are some thinks on the nature and usefulness of social games, and how they relate to how one should live. This sort of post feels awfully self-indulgent, since it comes from where I personally am, but I don’t mean it to be: I don’t care if anyone reads it, but if anyone finds it useful or resonates with it or wants to engage in a little philosophical dialogue on the subject, I’d love to hear.

Various Thinks on Games and Living

It’s strange to think that there are residents of the greater-Cambridge area who don’t understand basic mailing list rules of behavior. But it’s no surprise that Rocky newbies are forever shooting their feet: Rocky has one of the most sophisticated set of social rules and hazing mechanisms I’ve ever encountered. I consider myself a fairly observant fellow, and I’m still learning unspoken expectations.

I keep wanting to write them all down. Gary is compiling an official rule guide– what about having an underground one? I’m imaging sections on communication (email conventions, elvis, list abuse, good ways to criticize), Rocky parties (expectations, yellow, fives, rules to common games, how to start/join an orgy), illicit activities (participating and avoiding), traditions, and the unofficial social roles of people in the cast.

But maybe recording it would do unwarranted abuse to an already well-functioning and ever-fluid system. I come from a world where people consume friend-making algorithms, social technologies, and relationship guides like candy, because what is obvious to some people is a bizarre mystery to others.

Would anyone find this useful? (Finding it useful for someone else doesn’t count.)

What a exciting night! We broke open the champagne/sparkling cider around 11 and friends were over here crunching the numbers almost until sunrise. Nothing had changed by the time I woke up this afternoon, but by the time I got out of the shower, Montana was called for the Democrats and the breaking news was Bush’s announcement of Rumsfeld’s resignation.

This is the most exciting election I’ve ever experienced, and there were *so* many close races. I have a map full of pins that we updated throughout the night– every pin represents a seat switching to Democrat (we have yet to need the other colors). After despite early reports of lots of voting irregularities, the political world is suddenly a very different place. The Democrats have the House, and I think they’ll control the Senate too. Rumsfeld is out. Massachusetts has a democratic governor. There’s going to be a female speaker of the House. And there’s a socialist in congress.

The sky holds some ominous clouds too, though. For all of these steps, the big issues are still rattling the flood gates: No one wants to discuss peak oil, global warming, nuclear proliferation, globalized labor competition, or the industrial-military complex. (Though we do have some solutions: Get your copy of WorldChanging!) The remaining Republicans in congress are on average more conservative, and the Democrats want to draw the conclusion from their own success that they should run more conservative candidates. And both parties seem to buy the macroeconomic evidence that our economy is strong despite the squeeze on the middle and lower classes, reflected in referendums across the country.

I’m beaming today (or would be if I weren’t sick), but the revolution is just begun.

Saturday I wore new clothes based on the suggestions I got, and collected a number of compliments.

Morgan’s party was excellent, with a low-key (mostly core Rockies) room, with good conversation, and a high-energy (mostly groupies) room, with singing and antics. I was pretty inebriated, and saw the groupie room in terms of people playing their social-sexual shticks for the people of their preferred gender, and it seemed a shame because their energies could be used to actually engage with each other. The room needed a game, but there was no one to start one, so I tried (unsuccessfully) and I might have alienated some people there in making the attempt.

Sunday I watched Borat (impressive in its method, but probably a lot funnier if you’re drunk), and hung out at with Claudia in her opium den.

Today I rehearsed Rocky parts with leeniebeans, and then went over to her apartment to be wined (sparkling grape juice) and dined (spontaneous cake). Her roommates are an absolute riot, with a kind of nonstop sleepover vibe. I promised to invite them over to my place, but against their decorations, door prizes, a laughs-a-minute, my pad seems awfully prosaic.

I’m excited about my nail-biting party. I need to get a map and red, blue, and some-other-color thumbtacks to keep the tally.

I need some pointers for flaunting myself, as part of some role-modeling I want to do. That is, I’m going to be the change I want to see in the world [well, at Rocky], by acting as though I’m encouraged to strut my sexuality, and encouraging other men to do so, and looking for preshows don’t follow a sexist model, and encouraging others to do so.

Finding sexuality-flaunting clothing for men isn’t easy. Between the Garment District and Hubba-Hubba, I added some more sexual clothing to my repertoire (and got some appreciative comments and some snarky comments), but I need more. I don’t have a style, so I’m willing to experiment, but my budget is limited. Does anyone have suggestions on what to wear and where to get it?

Given the excellent response to my last post, I’m going to keep the topic alive– though, hopefully in less dramatic ways. I’ll skip posting about specifics concerns that Elaina and I discussed, but if you want to hear them or talk about the issue further with me, get in touch.

Elaina is quitting the show for a variety of reasons, but the relevant one is sexism at Rocky. She convinced me that the problem is extensive, but I don’t know how to respect those concerns and still encourage the individual creative talents and sexualities of our members and the boundary-pushing of the show. But I think we can find a way, and enjoy our work better for reaching for it.

Sexism has become a party-crashing term. People worry that if they acknowledge it, it will make every decision more difficult and force us to be more conservative. It shouldn’t. Sexism itself– the faulty societally-ingrained role preconceptions we have– is inherently incredibly conservative and creativity-blocking. By harboring it, we cripple the sexual and individual potential of our members.

I think that the best solution to the sexism problem has to do with promoting an attitude at the show, not by making rules, and I think we can do it, because we’re strong, freely-sexual people who want to promote sexual equality. This attitude would be characterized by honest recognition of how our actions and shows play out sexual stereotypes, and the constant search for what’s beyond them.

One aspect of this attitude might be that men at Rocky would be encouraged (expected) to put themselves on sexual display as much as women. It will make us better men. Another is that we should consider the sexism-jostling potential of our preshows. We can get more out of challenging our audience than playing to its fantasies.

Next week: How to get the most out of a rape fantasy…

I’m probably getting a new sort-of sibling! My [adopted] brother’s best friend’s girlfriend is in a broken foster care situation, and my brother has convinced my parents to become her long-term guardians. The home study is next week. I’ll probably meet her first at Thanksgiving, but my mom says she livens up the house. My parents are going to move into my bedroom my mom’s office, and she’s going to move into my parent’s bedroom.

The Rocky show last night was great! For non-FBCers, if you haven’t seen this year’s preshow lineup yet, don’t miss our Halloween Show, at 10 pm!

For FBCers, oh, what a tangled web we weave! I now feel good and weight-lifted about my own interpersonals at Rocky, but I worry that broken-love/relationship troubles have practically become an epidemic. This might even call for a support group. I keep wanting to diagram it all out, but my efforts are probably better applied to being an open ear– if anyone wants one, I’m here. And if I haven’t been there when you wanted someone, please believe that it’s just because I’m distractable, not because my sympathy has run thin.

The Rocky party last night at Jon’s was great, and I really enjoyed myself. At the same time, it’s seemed recently that we need something new at parties. I can’t tell if it’s just me, but I’m going to explore it in words here and see if it resonates.

I love Rocky. I love the people there, I love the sexuality, I love the cute social intricacies, and I love the subversive creativity of our endeavor. And I love Rocky after-parties in all of their incarnations– and there have been many different kinds since I joined. There are laid-back socializing parties; drinking-and-orgy parties, when someone has an agenda; and truth and dare parties, when people want more but aren’t sure what. And that’s just the large group dynamics– often the best parts of parties happen between two or three people– but right now I’m interested in the group mode.

In the last month or two, we hit on a variation of the socializing party that’s all about revealing ourselves through references. At first it was jokes: we had two parties consisting almost entirely of them. Now it’s internet fads, communal geek references, and obsessions from our pasts. Bit-by-bit, people are letting each other into their private worlds by opening up the boxes in their personal attics, and seeing if anyone else has similar cruft.

At last that’s my analysis. At the party last night, I found spots in between socializing circles so I could watch (I like to watch) and stick my thumb into several pies, so I can easily imagine that someone more directly involved would have a different experience.

And I might be staying remote because I’m not as interested in it. For me, that kind of party was fascinating at first, but it’s gotten to be “the same”. Maybe if I were to involve myself more, I’d get more into it, but I wonder: Are we still on this kick because it’s working for most people, or because we don’t know what else to do?

Recently, we’ve all seemed really comfortable with each other, and pretty free sexual tensions, so we should be able to trust each other, but I don’t think people are talking about things they really care about. It seems like everyone’s wearing their ego-armor, and we’re working around it, but I don’t think we need it, and if we all pull together, we might be able to open each other up in new ways.