yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes

I want try going by Jim. I love the name Jimmy; it laughs at itself. But it crosses a line of social convention that I’m always struggling with: we are shaped, both in other people’s eyes and our own, by the labels we use. That nickname is a bit of playful eccentricity I use for myself, but it paints me in a childish hue. Anyhow, I want to bow to convention and see if it hurts my back or, as is possible, makes it stronger.

It’s an experiment in some shifting thoughts I’m working through. I’m not going to write the core of those thoughts (mostly because I don’t know what the core is), but here’s a snapshot of one facet.

I’m a creature of ambiguity. If there’s a line somewhere, I’ll try my best to tightrope it. One reflection of this is how I try to do everything at once– or rather, everything, in parallel. My full todo list is about 400 items long, and fuzzily scheduled halfway through next year. Every day I work on a dozen independent projects, fully expecting that I won’t finish most of them for years, if ever. And I try to maintain several prospective romantic interests, even when that’s an obstacle in getting into any woman’s pants or heart. It’s helping me learn to flirt better and I’m getting to know so many incredible women. I’m frustrated that it makes me talk big and act small, but it’s fun playing with those insecurities.

And I love living this way; I wouldn’t want life to be any different. But all these balancing acts make me awfully ineffective. Which is another piece I’m okay with… mostly. All together, I take it too far. I had a great idea for a music creator the other day– it could revolutionize electronic music, but I’ll never have time to work on it.

I need a sidekick. Not the little electronic ones– I need a person to tag along with me like the guy who follows Cramer around and records all his projects. There we’d be at the south pole, and he’d say, “Holy samosas, Jimmy! It would take a miracle to stop this iceshelf from caving into the ocean.” “Wait Robin,” I’d say dramatically, “I have an idea– get me a keyboard and a bit of straw.” Now hiring. Compensation based on experience. And you get to help me build a bat cave.