I’ve been in open relationships before, and been quite happy. But my relationship with Flame is closed, because that’s what we both want. Or so I thought.

Tonight was the second time that Flame openly betrayed that trust. We have had three game nights at our apartment, mostly with work friends. The first game night, a couple months ago, ended when I found Flame and a lesbian from work making out on the floor in our back closet/hallway. A now, she spent most of the night touching a guy from work– sitting up against him, touching his arm, throwing her head into his body, lying in his lap– at one point saying to him, “sexmenow.”

Both of these times, she’s been very drunk, but I don’t want to ascribe her behavior to alcohol. She’s a grown woman, and if she can’t control herself, then I don’t want to be with her. I put too much effort into this relationship to have her hurt me and my friends that way.

I don’t want to worry about her cheating on me. I don’t want to stop having friends over for fear that she’ll cheat on me with them. I don’t want to stop her from doing what feels natural, even if she would want me to. Maybe flirting is just a part of how she interacts with the world, but if it’s that deeply rooted, then I don’t want to be involved.

I think I have to break up with her, which is really sad. She and I have such a great thing together, but I don’t think it’s worth it to me to share her on these terms. I’m not sure that this idea of cheating is a good one to base relationship decisions, but if it’s not one were were both using, then it’s better for us to start over from scratch.

Edit: I wrote this as she was asleep on the bed, and I slept on the couch. When she woke up, she asked me what was wrong and I explained it, and she cried and said she didn’t mean to and only wants to be with me and it was the alcohol. So I didn’t break up with her, but I don’t feel like anything is resolved– this is just “another chance”, a lot like the last one, and I have less reason to trust her when she’s not around. I don’t know what to do.